Goodbyes

Last night, I was suddenly reminded how hard saying goodbye can be. Especially when you have to say goodbye to someone you love and that person doesn't know how you feel about them. Let's examine the case of Travis and Kevin, two roommates. Travis is gay and out. Kevin says he is not.

They've lived together for 4 years and have become really good friends. Throughout all this time, Travis has repeatedly hit on Kevin. Of course, Travis' gaydar is in fine working order, so he has pegged Kevin from the very beginning. Kevin repeatedly puts him off, but does things that are, shall we say, questionable for a straight man. For instance, leaving the bathroom door wide open when he showers, leaving the bedroom door open when he masturbates, saying "not tonight" when asked if he's like a bj, or wearing just boxers around a gay man. Stuff that a "normal" heterosexual man would not do.

According to Travis, Kevin is leaving for Washington (the state) for school. Whether undergrad or post-grad, I don't know. There's already a kind of tension in the apartment. Kevin has been hanging around Travis a lot more, but Travis is just not noticing. After four of being around Kevin (btw- Kevin is very good looking), Travis is just not as interested or observant as he used to be.

SO, last night I'm talking to Travis via the net and I told him exactly what to do to find out if Kevin is gay or not. Without going into all the details, let's just jump to the end and say it worked. Yes, I'm THAT good! Kevin kisses Travis, rather nervously, and says he'll be back in a few and leaves the house.

Almost an hour passes and Kevin isn't back. Travis finally calls Kevin to make sure everything is alright. Kevin is at the airport and is leaving for WA that night. He tells Travis he is sorry for doing it this way, but Travis is pissed and not listening.

Travis goes to Kevin's bedroom and finds that it has been cleaned out. There is a note to Travis on the dresser saying that he, Kevin, is sorry. He has wanted to be with Travis, to kiss him, to have him in his bed, for years, but was afraid. It ends, "You'll always be one of my best friends. Love, Kevin."

Travis is very angry. I keep trying to tell him not to take it so personally. Kevin is scared. It took a lot of courage for him to admit that he loved you, for him to kiss you, to come to the realization that he is gay. Then, to have to say goodbye and move to another state? Not even I would have been prepared for something like that.

Hell, I'm one that is known for not saying goodbyes. If it's hard, I just vanish into the dark of the night, the light of the day, fade away with the wind. I've done it before, chances are I'll probably do it again. If I don't want to say goodbye, I am just gone. Ask my family, ask my friends. Yeah, I'm a bitch like that.

Hopefully Travis understands and forgives Kevin. Hopefully my friends forgive me (my family has). You just have to understand, "goodbye" is a word that is hard to hear, but is even harder to say. I know. In the past 3 months two of my friends moved out of state and neither one said goodbye to me. But, you know, they have to do what is right for them. I don't hold it against them

Well, this blog is getting too morose. I promise, next blog I will tell you... Um, not that. How about... NAH, too pornographic. Maybe... Well, we'll see about that one. :)

Buongiorno, ragazzi!