More Addictive than Crack

Okay, I finally found a third thing that it more addictive than crack. First, of course, is cigarettes. Second is sex (mmmm). Third... SHOPPING!

I've remembered how much a high shopping is. I had to go out and buy clothes as I prepare to return to work (ick, such an evil word). I do this because, well, I need money if I'm going to be dating. Well, I could go on dates to get money so I can date, but that sorta defeats the purpose and, so I'm told, is rather illegal.

So, yesterday I went shopping. Now, I'm not like str8 chicks or (insert word) that spend hours looking, looking, looking. I go in, find what I need, want, like, or can't fucking live without. I throw it into the cart and check out. I have this love/hate relationship with shopping.

I bought some new dress pants, dockers, dress shoes, loafers, dress socks, underwear (just in case, well, you know), undershirts, and some new shirts. I doubt I'll use the shirts for anything work related. I'll keep those for dates because I look fucking AWESOME in them. Definitely too good for work.

As I was shopping, though, I realized a new thing. I talk to myself when I'm looking at something, and I answer any questions I ask. I'm not talking the internal dialogue, I'm talking out in the open verbal. Damn that Sofia Petrillo syndrome. It is kinda funny, though. Here I am, walking through the store, going like, "Nice shirt. Is it pretentious?"

"No, you'll look great in it."

"Really? I don't want a lot of stuff like this."

"Trust me, you'll look marvelous!"

I get a lot of looks from a lot of people! And not the right looks from the right people, either. I mean, there were a LOT of cute guys out and about. Sometimes, being gay is rather a hindrance. Here I am, cruising along, minding my own business, then the next thing I know I'm checking out this hot guy, only to have him look at me like, "Dude, you're checking me out. Not cool!" Ooops!

I really tried to keep my eyes focused on my intended purpose. Really, I did. But for some reason I'd hold up a shirt and look at the nearest guy trying to get his approval. DOH! I swear, I need a gay man or str8 chick to go shopping with me. That way, they could talk to me and I could show off to them. Otherwise, someone might try to beat my ass for checking them out.

So, lovely ladies and pretty boys, come flocking to me! I need your help!!!