Totally Hiralrious

OK, just so ya know, I work with this woman whom I shall call GrannyC. Now, GrannyC is an extremely nice, but exceptionally horny, woman. But, as the name implies, she's somewhat older than me, in her 50s. GrannyC knows I'm gay and doesn't give a damn. Neither does it stop her from trying to get me into the sack.

For some reason, probably at my instigation (I don't recall), the conversation drifted to sex. Ah, such a loverly topic. However, were we talking about gay sex (of which I am a master)? No. Were we talking about breeder sex, of which I've seen on cheesey porn and read about? No. We're talking about lesbian sex! GAH, like any of us there have a clue.

GrannyC just couldn't understand what lesbians do for sex. I just said they have their mouths, teeth, fingers, and ever present toys. She laughed and asked, "Really?"

"You got your dildo, if one just wants to give her partner something whilst they make out. Then hey have strap-ons, which can be used if one wants to hump the other. Then they have two-way strap-ons, which is used if they want to hump each other. Then, of course, some of them vibrate."

OMG, everyone laughed their collected asses off. Then I said, "For us gay boys, when both of us want to bottom, we have our own two ways." At the blanks looks, I continued, "It's a rod with a penis type thing on both ends. First, insert one end into the first guy, then other lines himself up and backs onto the other end. If necessary, flip the switch for the vibrator and enjoy."

Geez, I need a boy. Better yet, I need a vibrator. Never heard of a boy with a vibrating penis, have you? If you have, lemme know. Hell, I'll even pay for... Nah!

Well, GrannyC and the other ladies were rolling. The only way things coulda been funnier is if I had an orgasm from laughter.

Then, GrannyC says, "Well, hell, if they use a strap-on, why don't they get themselves a man and use the real thing."

Ah, gay boy to the rescue. "It's like this, except in reverse. I want a hole to stick my rod in (or have someone's rod in my hole, whatev). While your hole might do (pointing to GrannyC) I don't want what goes with it: soft skin, curves, breasts, and all that shyt that makes you a woman. I want hair, muscles, coarse skin, the musky scent of his sweat, the feel of his beard on me as he nibbles my..." Ok, you get the picture.

I think I satisfied the ladies on what lesbians do in the sack, and I satisfied my funny bone (I said bone, he he he). Now, if I could just get a man/boi to date me, I could have real stories to tell them of what happened the night before. Mmmm, the stories I could tell. Wait, I've already told them!

Ciao ragazzi, sweet dreams.