So I Missed September

... and it didn't bother me one bitty, bitchy bit.

Let's see, Chass came back to work and immediately started a campaign to get me fired. She failed and quit, but had one parting shot before she did. She filed allegations of "harassment" against one of our gayer managers. Obviously the harassment wasn't sexual, but it's still bogus nonetheless.

Kristin is still a fucked up bitch, but she seems to be turning her act around, in totally the wrong direction. Somehow she managed to get herself knocked up by her arrogant punk of a boyfriend. She'll probably lose this one too, if she doesn't stop the drug use.

Watching Sanctuary now, the new show on Sci-Fi. Just saw the hunk of meat, that's the hero of the story, shirtless. No "doctor" of anything I ever saw was ever that chiseled in the abs. TASTY!

Ah, but I digress. Toto is falling for me. . He's a nice guy, but SOOO not my type. On the flip side, I've taken a shining to this lil Indian boy that works as a cashier. Now, you all know that I like the tall, pale skinned, dark hair/eyed boys that only the Caucasian can cook up. However, there's something about this kid (I think he's 18ish) that has my attention.

Which brings me around to Travis. Yeah, I'm seeing him, but I just know. Even when I'm feeling it, I'm not feeling it. Yah feel me? He's a nice guy and all, but I don't see a future for us. Other than just sex, which, unfortunately, is only okay. Problem with me, I've had much better and hotter. Now he wants me to spend the night with him. I dunno. When I have a Saturday night off, I want to enjoy it all, not just a few hours then go home for some so-so sex and a boring night with the pseudo-boyfriend.

I'm seriously considering just giving him his freedom. It's the right thing to do, even if he doesn't know it.

Let's see, guess there's not much else happening. Like I said, I just breezed through September and I just don't care.

Here's to October, may it be EVENTFUL!

Goodbye my friend, goodbye my lover

Most of you who read this will probably never know why I'm grieving. You can never really understand. Hell, even though I'm the one grieving, and I know why, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

Over the last 2 posts I've talked about Chris. We met for 5 minutes while I was working, so I didn't get a real chance to know him. However, there was something about the eyes that I usually fall for. There's a look in the eyes (my mother calls it the "deer in the headlights" look) that causes me to fall for someone rather fast. It's a look of innocence, even if they're the least innocent person in a 5-county radius. Chris has this look in his eyes, which makes him all the more handsome.

For whatever reason, when I found out he was interested in dating me, I allowed myself to look into myself and out toward the future to see what I could see. I saw a future that wasn't easy, but was working. The two of us, over time, fell in love. The future was nice and I allowed myself to live it for 1 night.

Now, for the whole reason I grieve. I spoke with GrannyC today. Chris is gone. Not dead, gone, and she has no idea how to get hold of him again. In just 3 minutes the words she spoke took my (potential) friend, lover, and future away.

Here's the gist of what happened. Chris was living with some friends and had paid up his share of the rent. However, his friends had not. The apartment complex where he lived has a lawyer on speed dial, who has a judge on speed dial, who will sign an ILLEGAL 24-hour eviction notice. To the Sheriff it all appears legal, even though I'm sure the State of Ohio would have a shitload to say. They had to be out of the apartment by 11 pm Tuesday night. Needless to say, by the time GrannyC got home, he was already gone.

All she knows is that one of the guys left and took the majority of Chris' stuff. Chris is moving/following the other friend to live in the Bottoms (those of you in Columbus, OH, know how bad THAT is). He told GrannyC's grandson that he would not survive the week there. He has no money, no job, no car, no real friends, and no place to live.

I empathize with him in ways that I never would have with anyone else. Two years ago I was in a similar situation. I feel so for him that I feel like I've been sucker punched a dozen times today. I want to help him so bad, but he is gone. Literally gone.

I told GrannyC that if her grandson heard from him, to give him my number anyway. Why? I may not be able to do much for him, but I can at least ensure he gets a hot meal once a week, a shower, a change of clean clothes, and a friend he can lean on when he needs it.

So, even though we never had anything: Goodbye my friend, goodbye my lover.

The Boy, The Man

I finally got to talk to GrannyC yesterday. She was up visiting her aunt, which means Tay couldn't get hold of her all weekend and she had no clue. Well, at least from my perspective.

After the usual pleasantries, I said, "What rock did you dig him out from under? The guy's gorgeous!"

"Didn't I tell ya!"

"Of course, I forgot to give him my phone number. We've been trying to call you all weekend so you could give it to him..."

"I've been up in Delaware visiting my aunt..." So she tells her story. "I talked to him yesterday. He said you were nice, but that you didn't seem interested because you didn't give him your phone number." OMG! SO I hand her a piece of paper with my name and number on it. "I'll talk to him..."

Guess who obsessed on his mobile phone all day and night. HEHEHE, I'm so hopeless.

I get to see GrannyC again today, so I'll chat her up and see what he had to say. Tay and I speculated that 1) she lost my number, 2) she forgot, 3) he's really not interested but already had an out, 4) his boyfriend came back and now he's off the market, or 5) he's as nervous as I am (which is nervous as a virgin during sex).

I'm hoping for 1 or 5. Anything else is unacceptable. LOL

Wish me more luck. I'm using up whole supply on this one.

Yossi and Jagger

Not only is the music cool, evidently this video is based on a true story.

I'm Too Stupid

OK, get this. I made a deal with the girls at work. Since I'm incapable of finding a decent guy on my own, I left it up to them. If they can get me someone to date and it lasts a month and looks like it will go forward into the future, then I will take them out to dinner (the girls... well, the date, too).

In comes GrannyC. She has this "boy" that her grandsons know. According to her, he's not as tall as me, not as thin, nor as cute, but she thinks we should meet and see if something comes of it. This was on Wednesday.

Today, Friday, I'm like, "Sug, where's this lil stud puppy you wanted me to meet?"

"He ain't been here yet?"

"Nope."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. I really think you'll like him..." At this point she reiterates how he's a lot like me (physically (but not as cute) and everything else).

So, around about 4ish I'm elbow deep in dishes and Tay starts talking to this cute guy. Next thing I hear, "David!"

"Be right there...." I dry off my hands and walk over. "Hi..."

"Hi, I'm Chris."

"Hi, Chris, what can I do for you?"

"Um," he kinda looks around like, oh shit, wrong person, "Patty wanted me to stop by and say hi."

"OOOOH!" I smile and Tay leaves. "Patty never said your name." SHIZ, Patty got it ALL wrong. Sure, not as tall as me (about 1 inch shorter) and he's not as thin as me (he's very slender) and he's not as cute as me (he's a fucking HOTTIE). GODS, both Tay and I were truly drooling over this man (where da fuck did Patty get BOY from?).

Continuing:

"So, when do you get off?"

"Not until 11 PM."

"Oh."

"I'm THE closer around here. Fortunately, I've got the weekend off."

"Well, I'm here for dinner. I feel like steak."

And off he goes. Um, did anyone notice what I forgot? Go ahead, reread it all, I won't mind, I'm not going anywhere.

Fuck yeah, that's right, dumbass here forgot to give Chris his PHONE NUMBER! JEEZ!!! Somedays I'm too stupid to be allowed near potentials. Hell, my main wing chick, Tay, didn't even remind me. After I kicked myself in the ass a few times, I gave Tay the whatfor also.

Fortunately for me, Tay loves me and has Patty's phone number. So, sometime this weekend she's going to talk to Patty and give Patty my number to give to Chris. That way, if Chris is interested, he can get hold of me and we can set up a date.

Wish me luck, kittens. Wish me LUCK!

On a happier note

I made up with Travis last night. Travis is NOT the assmonkey who I dumped who thinks so much of himself. Who knows, this time may last a bit longer and we may actually get to meet each other. And lemme tell ya, there's a LOT to meat. Er, that should be meet.

Anyway, more details will follow, should they become available.

Apres July da 5h

Well, guess what happened. NIENTE!

Well, what should I expect? My friends are assmonkeys who don't give a fuck if they fucking hurt my feelings by not being there for me.

Now, I know this is 2 weeks later, but this really brings the point home. I go out with Amber tonight and what happens? From 11:30 on all I hear is bitching about how hot it is, how tired she is, how she has diarrhea (and who is the whore that ate Taco Bell earlier today?). I was looking to have a good time tonight and all I got was a fucking WHINE SESSION!

I bring her home at 1AM and I get a "I'm sorry if I made you mad..." speech. I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR IT!!! You know what kind of fag bitch-whore I am and you do shit that you know will piss me off. DUH!

Anyone who finds out i'm going out with friends, remind me of tonight and make sure I STAY FUCKING HOME!!!

July da 5h

Ok, so this is a day early, but I have every intention of going out tomorrow and see what kind of crazy I can get in to. I've invited several people, all of whom won't show up, but who cares! On a holiday like this one, I plan on seeing Slut, er, Scott, and maybe even Keith. AND, if I bump into Ryan, well then wouldn't I be so fucking lucky!

Of course, by bump into I mean meet. I'm not THAT big ho that I want to bump into him. Yet...

So, any of you sleazers that are out there and wish to join me for a night of wicked debauchery (full clothed) meet me at 11ish at the bar Someplace Else. Or is it Somewhere Else? Shiz, I can't remember. Anyway, I'll be the cute one at the bar looking all miserable and depressed to be surrounded by happy people and me being all by myself.

UNLESS, of course, jell-o shot boy wishes to take advantage of me, then I'll be in the bathroom...

Here's to seeing me around. Cheers!

OH, almost forgot, my hero blogger (sorry Dude, couldna resist) The Ever so AMAZING Chad Fox has returned to blogging. I had almost given up on him when I decided to cruise thru da hood one more time and BOOM, there he is. Welcome back, Chad, happy blogging!

Go AWAY

Gods, don't you just hate it when people can't take a hint? J, from the previous post, is STILL calling me. Hello, your friends ruined this for you and you didn't seem to care what they did. NO, you get on me for sending a "rude" email. All of a sudden it's my fault that I didn't take the time to figure out why your number was no longer in service when I called.

Gah! I know at times I'm rather dense and slow, but even I know when to just stop and let it go. Like now...

So, anyway, as some of you may very well know, I do not believe in fate or destiny. I make my life happen, not some unseen force pulling the strings. So, to move things along, I re-contacted this cute guy I talked to about six months ago. I did this because I saw him on 2 different sites back to back in the same night. One of the guys I work with said it's fate and to "GO GO GO for him". LOL, if this works out, then maybe I'll start believing in fate after all.

Anyway, dude is sweet and kind and we have a few things in common. Not a lot, mind you, but enough that we can at least begin building something. Well, if he agrees to start building something and decides that he just doesn't want a quickie this weekend. Altho, I'm up for that, too.

Hrm, change of subject...

Well, nevermind, there's no new subject to change to. Just wanted to update before I forget and go off and do something stupid.

Licks to all, ragazzi!

Off to Hell I Go

Yay me! Once again I've managed to screw up yet ANOTHER relationship for just being who and what I am. While I hate to divulge the details of why, I'm going to anyway just because it's the only way I can make sense of what has happened. And, who knows, maybe you, the psychotic nut-job reading this, will be able to provide insight on what the hell I did wrong.

Disclaimer: I'm not going to use full names, just first initials. Also, I have no intention of toning down the language. So, off to see the wizard...

First off, I'm not good enough for J (the ex) according to J's friends. I'm too ugly to be with someone who has such a perfect smile and body (their words, not mine), I'm too stupid to be with someone of his towering intellect (again, their words), and, oh, by the way, I'M TOO FUCKING POOR! Because I do not have a six-figure income, it is intolerable that I should be seen with J. Only one of the friends, A, has shown even the modicum of compassion by saying, "Hand tight, dude!" The rest of them just insult me and put me down because I choose to work a blue collar job.

Then there's R, the lover/partner/friend who died in a car accident 7 years ago. I know I'll never replace R in his heart, and I'm never going to try to. I can't fight the dead. Yet I also do not expect to be compared to him all the time, too. One of the first things J told me was that I remind him of R. OK, moving on then. Now I find out that R was soft-spoken, he didn't speak to anyone rudely, even his friends liked him.

Which brings me to me. I'm not soft-spoken. I'm blunt, to the point, and very often rude. I have to be. I've been ramrodded enough in my life to know that if I don't stand up for my self, no one else will and I'll always be the asshole that gets the shaft, and not in a fun way, either.

Then there's all the decisions I've made in my life that have led me up to this point in my life. I don't consider them bad decisions (he does) but they were decisions I probably wouldn't choose again. However, that's hindsight and the past and it cannot be changed. I look at what I did as life experiences to be learned from. J asked me, "Do you think you'll ever get yourself turned around and make something of yourself?"

Yeah, so now I have to change and be a "better" man for him. Not only in personality but also in life choices and career.

Then, get this, his ex-boyfriend M has suddenly come back into his life. Now I get to hear all about M and how great M is and how wonderful it was to be with M and how he still loves M and that "M will always have a chance with me". What the mother fucking hell! Basically, it sounds as if J wants me, but only if I fundamentally change who and what I am and ONLY if M doesn't make a better offer.

Boy and girls, can we say, "BULLSHIT!"

Then there's the whole religion thing. We're two separate religions, we believe differently. He tells me that my religion is wrong, the way others act is wrong, we shouldn't talk badly about any other religion, and blah blah blah. You know, he's right. However, J, you should practice what you preach. If it's wrong for the others of my faith to do that, then shouldn't it be wrong for you also? All you have done is malign the members of my religion to me and talk bad about them and say that our faith is wrong.

Fine, we're wrong. However, not once did I talk bad about your faith or say that your belief systems were wrong. The first, only, and last discussion we had about religion went to hell in a hand basket so fast that I didn't want a repeat. I said that I didn't agree with that and all you did was try to ram down my throat how right you were and how wrong I was.

So, finally, after all the hoopla, I sent him this text message: "Your friends are correct. I'm just a white trash loser who has no right to be with you. Go and be with the perfect man for you, because with all my flaws, I'll never be what you want or need. I don't know why you thought you wanted to be with me and I should have known better and never started thinking it might work out. Amazing! I've now broken up with three guys in a row using text. I'm so FUCKING PATHETIC. Your friends will love this!"

Granted, you're only seeing one side of the whole story. We did have some great quality time together. He is a really nice guy and we probably could have had a great relationship together. However, I will NOT change FOR him. I'll change BECAUSE of him. He was attracted to me, with all my flaws, I was not initially attracted to him.

Enough, though. The past is done and I'm moving on. To save myself the heartache and to give him the out he was looking for (didn't know he was seeking), I became the lesser man. I could see the fiery, faggoty-orange writing on the wall. I've been through all this before. He hasn't.

So, guess what happens. He calls later. He didn't get my message. So I have to go through about 4 hours of bullshit until he convinces me that he is "better" than all the other guys I have dated before. HE would never treat me like they did. Against my better judgment I say, OK, prove to me you are different. We make up and I agree to call him today.

Guess what. I called that lame-assed skankoid whore 6 times in the space of 4 hours. "We're sorry, the number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please check your number and dial again."

WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING HELL!

Actually, I'm relieved. He proved to me that I was right about him. Since I can't call him and tell him off, I sent him an email:

What the hell is wrong with you? You spent all this morning convincing me you were not like the others I have dated, that you were better than they are. Fine, I decided to allow you to convince me of that for real. Call me, you say. Fine... I called 5 damn times today only to get that annoying message stating that your number has been disconnected or is no longer in service.

WTF! What kind of bullshit games are you playing? Are you getting off on inflicting this kind of emotional turmoil and torture or people? Don't tell me to call you and then make sure your line is turned off.

Your right in one way, you are NOT like the others I have dated, you are worse. None of them ever led me on in such a manner. You have proved to me that I was right about this pending relationship. I knew it wasn't going to work and now you have justified the feelings I have had the past week.

Maybe it wasn't you and it was your friends playing "games". Actually it doesn't matter. Even if it was your so-called friends, then you have more problems than you know about. How dare they play around with your life in such a manner. If this was all them trying to keep me from contacting you, then THEY have cost you this relationship.

Now, go back to your friends, go back to M, go back to your life. Just do not EVER contact me again.

If you breeders have to go through all this bullshit just to get a relationship, it's a wonder the human race hasn't already become extinct! GAH, it can NOT be this hard, can it?

Thus ends another boring as fuck chapter in the life of the Bagelbuoy! Au revoir, mes ami!