Dirty old man

Um, yeah, that's me. Dirty old man. Last night, in just 2 minutes I went from sex-starved to dirty old man. I found out my favorite barslut, er, bartender is only 23. I coulda swore he was closer to 27. I've already been harassed for robbing the cradle with Kevin, now there is Kyle. Hmmm, maybe that's the problem. I have this thing for guys whose names begin with K and are 23. NOT. You have to see Kyle (and Kevin) to understand. These two guys just exuded sexual energy.

So, how did I found out his age, you ask? Well, kittens, sit back and relax because this slut is gonna tell.

I was totally enjoying myself last night. I'd been able to get a chair next to the launch pad (that's what I call it) so I could keep Kyle in sight all night long. HOT! Although, he is getting in need of a hair cut. Still, he is very sexy. At one point he bent over to get a bottle from under the bar and his short rode up exposing, of all things, his tighty whities!!!!!!!! Didna figure him for the tighty whitie type. Already my mind can his perfect erection as I... Ooops, sorry, didna mean to get so porno on you.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. At one point this guy hits the launch pad and Kyle says, "What can I do for ya, sir?"

I said, "Don't call him "sir". That's an insult. "Sir" is everone's father."

Kyle says, "I'm just trying to be respectful."

The guy says, "I am old enough to be his father."

I say, "Really?"

Kyle says, "Yeah, you're probably old enough to be my father too."

I ask, "How old are you?"

Kyle replies, "23."

I tell him, "Do you realize how young I would have to be to father a child your age?" Then my mind does the math (36-23=13). "Okay, it's possible." Then I think some more (my brain wasn't running as fast as usual), and get a little indignant. "How the hell old do you think I am?"

Kyle looks at me and furrows his brow. "Probably about 32."

Okay, I can handle that. Gotta love that guy! Actually, would still love to make love to that guy. However, that really screws up the math (32-23=9). I was a lot of things at 9 years old, but sexually active was not one of them. Even after that, women were just not in the picture (or dreams or fantasies). So, while I could've father him, the chances are so remote as to be laughable.

But does that make me a dirty old man for lusting after a 23 year old? My friend, Jay, says not. Now, if I were going after a twinkie under 21 he would worry. Then he says that it's probably a good thing I don't go to the Full Monty (next to Havana's) or I'd be broke. Evidentally the boys there will do anything (except anal sex) during their lap dances. 10 dollars to get in, no alcohol (except what you've already drunk), and money for the boys. Well, mebbe some night when I'm really, really drunk and horny.

Anyway, I ended the evening at about midnight (the drag queens put on a bad lip-synching show) and I left my lustful bartender. So, I got out my iPod, tuned it to "Dark Lady" (the club mix) and walked to my truck. I cranked up the music and, at one point, was singing (at the top of my voice) and dancing and grooving my way up the Short North. Quite a sight! Even the critters of the night avoided me. Then I got home, wrote a couple of drunken emails, and crashed at about 2.

Of couse, a lot more happened that night than me finding out Kyle's age and realizing that I was a dirty old man. But, kittens, those other stories are for me and me alone.

Must run. I have a lot of errands to do today before pizza and wine. Ciao, tutti!