Not a good post

Ok, so. Allora, I think I made a major mistake. This dude I've been talking to thru email, he lives out west, I was just joking around. I started teasing him about his "locked" pictures and videos. Y'know, telling him he was a bad, bad boy. I even told him that I didn't want to see them. I mean, yeah, I'm still a guy who loves the naked flesh, but I was in a teasing mood that night. I told him to keep them locked.

He wrote back and said, well, it sounded like I wanted to see them, but since I didn't have any posted... I thought about it for a while and finally wrote back. I told him that I am doing what a friend once told me, back when I first came out. He said, "You will have friends and you will have lovers. You will need to understand the distinction between the two and keep them separate."

Sorry, minor distraction. Tom Welling, on Smallville, just ripped off his shirt and WOW! Damn that man is HOT. But, I digress.

While I think it would be awesome to have him as a lover, it's not feasible when he lives so far away. C'mon, the chances of us ever meeting are slim to nil. I told him that I'd rather have him as a friend. Which means that, while I love to see his flesh, it's an option I'm not allowing myself. However, if the nature of our relationship should ever change, then, of course, how I think of him would change, and seeing his flesh would allowable (and hot, this guy is so fucking handsome).

Did I err? Should I have never teased him? Should I have never considered him a friend in the making? I know that I shouldn't consider him more, we've only been talking a few weeks. And he's also a 3 day car trip, or a 4 hour plane trip, away. I'm not quite made of money (gold, not money) so constant trips out west is out of the question.

Not that he'd ever be interested in ME that way. Very few are.

Alas, once again my strength fails me, and I cannot see the road that I should take. I think it is time to ride the wave and see what Fate has in store for me. After all, a man does what he can until his Destiny is revealed to him.

Gay men have the best of both worlds. We have the physical strength and beauty of men, and also the mental fortitude of women. But we also have the worst. Our emotions play more havoc with us than with either straight men or women.

Tutti, I need to rest, but even the sleep of a thousand years will never be enough.

Until tomorrow, when I go out and go nuts at the Exile. I need to talk to studly from last weekend. Mmmm, the very thought of him...